General Update

First things first:

Japan Trip got moved back a year. I am totally okay with this.  I think the added time will give me more time to get myself right mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I am emphasizing more mental/emotional well-being recognizing the huge influence they have on my physical well being. 

I have changed my goals too. I no longer am focused on a specific weight-loss goal, instead I am focusing on a new system of kinda being in general. This is with the support of my family/my therapist, and my nutritionist.

I am working on being more active, and living working on Health at Every Size. I am still only about half way through a book on the subject. I have a workbook ready for me to devour as well.

So far it seems like the tenants of this System is taking the morality, the shame, and the prejudice out of weight and eating. It focuses on mindfulness and being in tune with your body to understand when and how to eat from my own internal cues.

I am also attempting to cut as much "natural flavor" out of my diet.  I was already eating a lot more fresh foods and organics, but this is a new mini extreme. I am controlling what I can with it. I am finding a lot of Organic labeled things still have natural flavors. 

My biggest change I have done with this is switching from Chobani to Siggi's. It took me a few days to get used to the less sugar and the less chemicals, but I LOVE LOVE Siggi's now. I look forward to my vanilla/cinnamon yogurt every morning.

This avoidance is not all consuming for me. I still eat junk/trash when I make the conscious choice too. I just have noticed I feel better when I am eating cleaner.

I have been more active as well. I have started using classpass. Which I highly recommend! It allows me to explore multiple gyms/classes in my area Or anywhere around the country with my current plan I am at $30 a month. I have tried Red Hot Dance, Cardio Fusion, Zumba, and Hot Yoga. Which Hot Yoga is not for me. It has been a great motivating tool while keeping Me from getting bored.

I still am spending a lot of time in coffee shops, and the bulk of that is Starbucks. meh. It is an easy choice, but I still love finding the cool local joints to pass time or write. (Like I am writing this in one of favorites, Hothouse Coffee in Bryn Mawr.)

I tend to write a blog post, or write letters, sketch, read, or sometimes I fill out my habit tracker. (though that sometimes makes me feel a little uncomfortable.) I mean sometimes. I feel weird with my stack of Lisa Frank Stickers while writing letters too, but at least those are whimsical.

If any friends want random postcards/letters with a stupid amount of stickers feel free to drop a message with your address and I will add you to my letter rotation.

After a year of being home and working on myself. I am JUST now ready to start to go back out into the world. I have signed up for some volunteer opportunities, and I even applied to a part time job. I am really challenging my all or nothing thinking that sometimes dominates my mind. But I am starting with some very low stakes stuff, with little time commitments as I still have a barrage of appointments and feel like getting active/staying active is number one priority with regards to my mental health. But I also still have days when executive function stops. Or I have so little motivation it takes everything to get out of bed and feed the cat.

I am taking a generic version of Lexipro, and it has some weird side-effects, but it is still a huge credit to why I am volunteering and how I am doing classpass etc. I still get shall we call it "Dark Thoughts" but I have not been NEARLY as bad. not even close to as bad it got before Lexipro. PMDD is still part of my world, but again not as world destroying every week.

While I still have a ways to go, I feel like it has been a good progress even if it has been slow. I dont think this journey will ever REALLY end for me, but I think when I finally get to Japan I will be able to look back on this moment and realize how far I will have gone from here, and the lightyears I wiill be from where I was in 2018.

Review: Fairy Tale

Fairy Tale by Cyn Balog
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Is this a book about whiny teens and even whinier Fairies? Yes. Does that mean I didn't enjoy it a lot? No.

This was a quick read, and a used book store buy that was a perfect combination for a bubble gum tale. The book is a super easy read. I could actually multitask while reading, and not miss anything. It is a little cliche, but I enjoy the ending. I admit I didn't see exactly where it was going to end up. There are plenty of signs before we get there, but I just assumed it would be the happy ending that was desired from the first page.

It is not very complex, but in it's simplicity we get some great fun. The romance in it is innocent and titillating at the same time. (I am judging myself for using the word titillating, but it fits.) There are multiple physical transformations in the book, but no real emotional/character transformations. In something I am reading purely for real world distraction, that is fine.

Magic is definitely present in this world. Some is given a mild explanation, but for the bulk of it, including our narrators ability, you just have to go with it. There is no real world building. We get mentions of a broader world, and customs, but nothing that flushes out to any satisfaction.

Look, It is a fun book, and that is all it is. And that is OKAY. I can like this Fairy Tale Teen Beach Read. You might too.

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Review: The Last American Vampire

The Last American Vampire by Seth Grahame-Smith
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was a good way to end 2019 and start 2020. I had very little in terms of expectations for this book. My only requirement was for it to be a fun twisted view of American History. It is. I admit I either did not read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, or it wasn't memorable enough to remember I read it. I did see the movie in theatres, which I remember as a fun and entertaining night at the movies.

This book definitely takes some of its inspiration from Anne Rice. It is an old vampire telling his story. A vampire who was present in the first book, and more intriguing in some ways than the main character of the first novel. Henry is a great leading man who has depth and humor as well as a gravitas that draws the reader in.

I have quoted this book for many friends already. My favorite quote (as well as I remember it) 'a human life is like an ant farting into a hurricane.' I am butchering that, but I remember laughing out loud and loving that dialogue.

The time frame is long and touches Roanoke to 1970s ish, and hits some of the major events across eras. The take on Jack the Ripper, Mark Twain, Tesla, and Stoker were genuinely some of my favorite representations of this historical figures I have ever read.

With Rice influence, a great leading vampire, great dialogue, and historical figures come to life, I am surprised I landed on a 3 Star rating. I liked the book. I did. I really liked aspects, but the over all is just a like.

My two major issues were the gore and the pacing. I should have known going in the gore would be intense, but I felt it stepped a little beyond just gratuitous at certain points. It was visceral enough that there were chunks of fight scene descriptions that I did skip over. I would glance at a page and see a word or two get the gist of who had the upper hand, and then move on. If you like gore, and violence maybe this amount would be grate for you. And yet, I loved when Grahame-Smith is a little more slowed down.

For me the best parts of the book were the character moments. The interaction, the dialogue, the relationships were well written, fascinating and what I wanted the heart of the book to be about.

So I guess the issue at the crux is pacing. The beginning of the book felt like a decent balance of character and violence. Just the right amount for me, but as the book continued character development, interactions other than fighting were replaced with more gore or REALLY quick character moments. Howard Hughes is introduced, has a quick scene, but really isn't interacted to explored to my satisfaction. There is a relationship between Henry and a women from his past that is the impetus for the whole adventure, and yet when they do come to a meeting point nothing is explored. It seems like a missed opportunity that still elicits visible frustration on my face while typing about it.

We here her back story, then hundreds of years pass, and boom VILLIAN. Which is a great motivation and story line, but i wanted to know it if I was supposed to be so invested. I lost my interest in there battle before by about 3/4 through the book and the end climax thus became dull.

To me this was just SOOO much potential, I am glad a read it even though it was frustrating. I would give this author another chance.

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Review: The Little Book of Sloth Philosophy

The Little Book of Sloth Philosophy by Jennifer McCartney
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is such great way to end the year. It is a fun read that had some great Sloth facts! It also is a great reminder to slow down. I mean I am already pretty slow. Almost as slow as my idol the sloth, but not there yet. I expected this too be just cute and fluff, but it did have substance. Anyone who feels stressed or feels there is a moral obligation to keep up a hustle would do well to read this and remember sometimes the best time is sloth time.


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