So this big trip I am planning to go on is supposed to be a reward for getting my life and self back together.
So what does that mean? Well I guess I will post the big illuminating letter I wrote to myself/family in a little bit when I feel brave enough.
The line I have been rehearsing is: "I was in the worst shape I have been in physically, mentally, emotionally and I needed time to get better."
All true. But I feel like it was and is so much more.
So now my goals include healthy body; control (or at least acceptance and learn to live with) my depression/anxiety/panic attacks; and figure out my next steps in life.
They are all sound so nebulous. I mean healthy body, I have figured, I can quantify with weight loss, so that is the one I tend to talk about with people. I worry my friends think my goals are just that, and all superficial.
I mean I do want to have some superficial changes. I would love to like the way I look! I would also like to like my aesthetic, and craft a look.
But my goals to me are more deep and hopefully positive and lasting. I am hoping that by completing these goals I will gain tools that will help me not crumble so completely ever again.
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